Me, Myself and I

New year, New start, Fresh begining

2012-01-09T20:09:00.000-08:00

Well, retaining may not be a bad issue afterall, it gives me more time to prepare better for my A lvls. Well although it sucks but,it's life. Guess i need to move on.

Girl, i am unsure whether you are reading this blog, but just wanna tell you that i really treasure those time with you and really thankful and honored to be your boyfriend. Indeed, im a failure, and a uncaring person. I feel useless and inferior. The reason why i scolded you yesterday, or rather told you of badly was because you affected others just to achieve your goal. Its a very un-sportsmanship approach of doing things. I know you love your school but what about others, you say out then you expect them to accept it?? not possible what. I was reading the all the tweets by you and the other side people. It really spread like fire. I already told you that your mindset and your speech will definitely cause problem why because you cannot control it. You say other school and you expect people to smile to you and say its ok meh? obvious they will say F-you.
Ego is a killer, you want to get things done fine, but not at the expense of other people.
I dont want to help you or side you because of a few reasons.
1) Its a girl issue
2)I want you to know the consequences of having things said without thinking
3)It happened a lot of time already and well you need to learn

Girl, Im not hating you for this, i just want you to know sometimes, it is best to use the politically correct terms to avoid trouble.

My role as your bf is not to help you argue or win argument but rather i want you to learn how to avoid argument and cultivate mindfulness, once you are not mindful of your speech action or thoughts, definitely there will be problem.

Eg, put it this way, you wanted to promote your school, you have the thoughts of using other schools reputation to 'glorify' yours. Then in your speech, you directly put their school name on to compare with your school. And the action you took was to send the tweets. In the process did you know that it will cause problems? Don't tell me such consequences are unpredictable. If you are aware of your speech action and intention at that time, this wont happen.

Although this issue already past, but i really hope you will learn from it and be mindful of your Action, Speech and mind.

You will hate me, but i dont really bother, my goal is to ensure you learn to keep yourself out from potential trouble. Not asking you to back off or chicken out, just asking you to siam the thing. Cos such issue is mentally tiring and it will definitely affect your mood. Which will affect all your work etc. Your A lvl's is coming really soon. And i dont want you to be troubled by unnecessary issue.

No matter what, you are still my girlfriend,so its my responsibility to teach you and guide you.

Give the man a fish, it will only let him live for a day. Teach the man how to fish, it will let him live for life.

Stay Strong. I will be with you, all the way

2011-07-15T08:19:00.001-07:00

My dear, I know life had been really tough for you and I know this feeling sucks. External stress from school and perhaps me, might add on stress to you. I'm trying my best to control my mood and i will try to be more understanding. Trust me, have faith in me, I will help you and support you all the way. Support you both mentally and physically. I will try my best to stay positive and really try to help you. Family problems are the problems that i can't solve but i can only give you so method.

I believe you can if you want. I mean after all they are your family members if you are really unhappy, voice out. Just text your mom and dad about it if they really dont have the time.

As your boyfriend, i only can give you advice and if you really need a hug, i will try my best to meet you. Don't worry about me being too busy and not talking to you. No matter how busy i am, i will spare time for you. I really dont want to see a emochelleeek94 and i will do anything and everything possible to make you into a happychelleeek94.

Of course i cant just tell you to suck it up and continue. It's not possible. I will help you and guide you step by step, and i know this type of stuff cannot be settled overnight. To solve it completely , it take time. And i am willing to make sacrifices to help you. I will help you if you help yourself. If you just want to sit down there and do nothing but just keep crying and crying and whining how life sucks for you and FML here and there, even god cant help you.

I'm not boasting about my contribution or credit or nonrecognition from you. I want to be with you and pei ni zou xia zhe ke lu ( accompany you walk down this road )(direct translation)

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Wayne Dyer

In the present circumstances, no one can afford to assume that someone else will solve their problems. Every individual has a responsibility to help guide our global family in the right direction. Good wishes are not sufficient; we must become actively engaged. Dalai Lama

Take a step back and slow down, you are running too fast

Moviation

2011-07-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

I really need to stop getting depress and down so easily. Band practice is indeed tiring and not very enjoyable, but fucking change the mindset. Thinking it is unenjoyable , it will be. Just take it as it is a place where you train your self-confidence and you will improve one. Keep believing. For my Piggy, My seniors who believe in me , my teachers and MYSELF. YANDA YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

extremely Heavy heart

2011-05-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks to one msg, It screw my night evening. Imagine the power of one msg from your loved one. After doing so much and having so much faith in you, this is what you tell me?? I guess you better off without me. Let me tell you something. Straight in your face. Firstly you had your soccer match and i didn't want to call you to disturb you. And i thought that you are like pretty tired. So i was waiting for your call.
Secondly , I was doing my own work and I'm already going crazy already. You told me that your phone was dying and i dont think there is a need for me to call you cos you are a busy and your phone is most likely off. I was about to call you when i saw that fucking text. Great job la. Now my heart aching so much and what you can say is cant doing anything about it right. KNNCCB. You dunno what's sorry arh??? Have you ever thought about my feeling mah?? A guy so faithful and really love you and this is what you say to him just becos he didnt text you?? Why must the guy always take the initiative . Do you know that I'm already about to cry when you said that. You also know i get affected easily by this.
I wanted this relationship to be a pillar of support. But now my pillar has crushed on me , i really hope i can put this pillar back and continue support me.

All i need is a sorry from you.

2011-05-20T09:07:00.001-07:00

Get it straight ok. I am built way tougher then you think. Whatever makes you think i never work hard, only proves that you are wrong and i will prove it right in your face. Mark my words. I shall prove you wrong. extremely Wrong. What you think is not always true and your words will not break me down but only enrage me.I'm just going to work harder and to prove you wrong :)

2011-05-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

I really really hope things will turn out better :( Really do :(

Source for motivation

2011-05-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I just feel that you are not understanding enough, however looking back , I realise that it is all the while my fault, I fail to understand your situation. I became unreasonable and selfish. I think it's because I am too worried already and maybe I'm just thinking to much. Not about you but about my life. I want you as a part of my life and i really dont like any obstacle to affect me. Because the moment it affects me, it will affect you too. And i don't want you to screw up your life because of me. You got a bright future while i don't. I tried being optimistic but even if i want to be, my situation doesn't allow me to. Sometimes I just want to scream out loud, not at you but at the sea. So that i can de stress. But the thing is after screaming, I will still get back to reality and there is no point or no way to escape reality. You gave me happiness and i really appreciate that. I have no intention of ending this relationship because it is just too awesome. I just want to tell you that you are my pillar for support and I really need you. You have been awesome and caring and i really like it. Now it's time for me to change. I really hate saying things repeatedly like time to change bla bla. I need to find source for motivation. OH well....... Hope you see this lo. :(

2011-03-28T02:32:00.000-07:00

Life have been really hectic. No time to take a break. I'm really worried for my future and also i feel a sense of insecurity. It's not that I worry my girlfriend like other guys or what. It's just the feeling that I'm unable to give her happiness. Many of my friends tell me that I should not be too affected by her. But the thing is i can't :( Somehow I am unable to not care about her. She plays a key role in my current lifestyle. Without her, i would have gone berserk and break down much more frequently. Although now she is busy with life and she got lot's of things to do, maybe i shouldn't be over possessive and want her every now and then. Maybe i need to tell myself that i can't have everything in life. She got her own life to live and i can't be like 24/7 finding her. True but easy to say hard to do. And maybe i must learn to be patient and mindful of my words thoughts actions.

Pig if you are reading this, i just want to tell you that i am really sorry for my actions and i really wish that you can understand what i'm undergoing so far. I really enjoy this relationship and i do not want it to end so quickly. 6 months filled with fun joy laughter , tempers emotion unhappiness. I believe we can overcome this obstacle together.

Our goal is to encourage each other to do well for promos and I really wish to look after you and respond to your needs. I really don't mind but at times I think i can't always do that. :( After all I'm a human too. I know you had been thoughtful about me and you know that i'm very tired and you do not wish to further stress me out. I appreciate it and although I'm busy at times, i will try to at least contact you and ask you about your day.

Recently , my temper and mood have been extremely bad. I also don't know why, I'm trying to figure the reason also. I can just break down at night and maybe you would not know because i don't want to add burden on you and it's like if everytime i show my mood swing to you, you confirm will get damn pek cek one. So I'm really trying to control my emotions. Give me some time to change and i really hope i can get back to my cheerful old self.

2010-12-24T05:27:00.001-08:00

I'm hurt. Very hurt.

Scarred

2010-12-24T05:09:00.000-08:00

Well. For the past few days, yes i admit i have neglected you. I shall not give excuses for my negligence towards you.
Although i was busy, I really tried my very best to get to you asap. Just because I was unable to attend to your call, it doesn't mean i don't bother about you.

Take today for example, I was at a gathering, somehow there were no signal over there and i wasn't aware of that. It can't be the case that i 24/7 stick to the phone ,awaiting for your call right?? And there were so many people there, I feel uncomfortable talking to you in front of so many people.
And girl, I can't always be there for you. I also have my own things to handle to right. Sometimes , even when i'm in a bad mood , I won't complain to you at all. If you really think I'm such a horrible boyfriend, go round asking your friends then.

Which boyfriend will spend majority of his time accompanying his girlfriend. And if you find a better one, then change. If I'm a problem to you. Tell me straight in the face. And not Twitter. For god sake. It's not that i don't want the whole world to know but it's just that it is not the best solution to the problem.

Think from my point of view.

Guilt and remorse

2010-12-17T05:39:00.001-08:00

:(. I am such a lousy boyfriend. I make my girlfriend sad on so many occasion. I didn't deliver what i promised. My promise to you was to ensure happiness in you. But I FAILED. This ain't good. I really need to reflect and i learn to treasure you even more. I know all this typing would not make you or me feel any better. But ARHHHHHHHHHHH. This feeling suck. :(

I neglected you and sometimes forgot about your presence. I'm so self centered and what a bastard i am. Fuck man. I seriously needa change. It can't be from 'my point of view' attitude to deal with things. :(

2010-11-28T00:18:00.000-08:00

I really hope for the next 2 weeks, you can come to my blog and to read up my posts. I took an extremely long time to complete it. I decide to make this 16post is because maybe for the next 16days (29-17) you might feel lonely and demoralized. So i decided to make this 16 post just to ensure that you are happy daily when i'm not around. Start with the Post 1 :)

All of which are predictions and may not be true. However no harm trying rite.

All the 16 posts, is my gift for you :) for being sure a wonderful girl. Just read one post daily and hopefully it will cheer you up :) all the quotes can inspire you and make you stronger :)

Maybe now when you initially read it ( 28oct) and when you read this again ( as on 13 dec) you might have a different thought about it. :)

Cheers. :)

PIGGY :)

post 15 and 16

2010-11-28T00:14:00.000-08:00

Dear xBabyBolster,

Finally, I'm coming back soon :) can't wait to see you :) I hope your concert was a success and hopefully you enjoyed yourself :)

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
George Herman "Babe" Ruth

One who fears failure limits his activities.
Failure is only the opportunity to more
intelligently begin again.
Henry Ford

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.
Elbert Hubbard

Stay strong Piggy is coming home :)

Post 14 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-28T00:10:00.000-08:00

Dear xBabybolster,

Today, if nothing goes wrong, it should be your concert day. Well I'm just predicting from now (28/11/2010) Well. Jiayou for your concert and do your best bah. :) I believe you will do a great job. :)

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
Patrick Henry

post 12 and 13

2010-11-28T00:06:00.000-08:00

Dear xBabyBolster,

i really hope for the past few days you enjoyed yourself, and time really do fly, :( talking about time, I really miss you soon soon much. :( Well, sometimes , i just want to hug you so hard and hopes that time can really pause :'(

I love you and whenever i see your heart and hair band, I will always rmb you :)

I got a lot of things to tell you and i cant wait to see you again :)

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

post 11 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T23:52:00.001-08:00

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Dear xBabyBolster,

I saw this thing on facebook. Though touching but a little funny. Don't worry this picture taught me alot of things

1) best is never ride motorcycle

2) if you ride , get two helmets

3) Check for brakes before riding

4) not the best way to get a hug like this

:)

quotes for the day

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

Post 10 for xBabybolster

2010-11-27T23:39:00.003-08:00

Post 10

Dear xBabybolster,

If i didn't calculate wrongly, today is the 7th which means our 3 month anniversary!!!!

Happy 3th month :)

Well 3 months pass so fast. And I really learned and enjoyed myself being with you. Although i may not be with you physically in Singapore ( sounds like I'm dead ) but my heart belongs to you :) You taught me how to love, you taught me patience. You are a wonderful girlfriend*

I would expressed my feeling through words because i feel that it doesn't really convince the opposite party that my feeling is true. *I'm still thinking of what to do to convince you that i really love you :P *

Quotes for the day

Energy and persistence conquer all things.
Benjamin Franklin

*This statement works only when you in good moob :P

Post 10

2010-11-27T23:39:00.001-08:00

Dear xBabyBolster,

If i did not calculate wrongly. Today it is our 3rd month. Happy 3rd month <3

well I have never regret knowing you and you taught me numerous things. I really thank you for that and *you make a wonder girlfriend*

I learn how to be more understanding,caring and patient. Although sometimes my temper flare and i get pissed off, but actually i still love you. Just by say I love you to you Of course would not convince you. So i am thinking of ideas to convince you that i really love you

*that statement only applies when you are in a good mood :P*

Quotes for the day

Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Post 8,9

2010-11-27T23:36:00.000-08:00

I hope you are doing well and great. If you get irritated by your sister. Always remember the lnx curve. hahaha. Nothing must to post.

Quotes for the day ~~~~

For hope is but the dream
of those that wake.
Matthew Prior

Constant dripping hollows out a stone.
Lucretius

Post 7 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T23:23:00.001-08:00

Post 7 (should be Sat)

Dear xBabyBolster,

Rmb my battlestation ok!! I really dont know how to describe this feeling. Imagine, just one day without you in Singapore, I already miss you like hell liao. Still got 9 more days.

TBH (to be honest) even though sometimes you have extremely bad mood,I still love you. Then weirdest thing is that no matter what happened, so how i still love you a lot. Kinda weird man. oh well For the last few post, Its just a prediction , may not be correct, but if you are feeling down during these few days, Just come over to my blog and read some quotes I posted , hopefully it will help.

You know something?? Maybe i didn't mention to you bah. At night i hug my bolster to sleep and imagine it was you. hahhaha :P

Well thats about it

Quotes for the day

After the game,
the king and the pawn go into the same box.
Italian Proverb

Post 6 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T23:17:00.000-08:00

Post 6

Dear xBabyBolster,

I should be at the orphanage meet some kids. I think it will serve me as a warning not to make kids for fun :P I hope you enjoyed yourself and have fun :) I think your concert should be nearing. So yea. Good luck. :)

I think i will get tanned when i come back to Singapore. Hope you will recognize me. :)

Quotes of the Day

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.
Thomas Jefferson

Post 5 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T22:50:00.000-08:00

Post 5
Dear xBabyBolster,

I should be going to Siam reap to build the house or something. I think i would be in a bad mood or so, maybe because I didn't sleep enough. Anyway , I should be miss you really badly now. Lucky I brought your heart along and your white hair band. Hopefully it doesn't get black or brown when i come back :P

Not sure if you did miss me or not, but i think you should be busy preparing for your concert and busy finding work. Well I believe you will do an excellent task in finding jobs and I hope that you enjoyed yourself :)

I'm not such what you would be doing now, but well you deserve a break. When i say give yourself a break, it doesn't include nua-ing at home :)

Ok nothing much already. My guess is that your concert is on 11 dec or 5 not very such but good luck :)

Quotes for the day

Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, or bear its troubles patiently.
Palladas

Post 4 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T22:45:00.000-08:00

Post 4
Dear xBabyBolster ,

It's day 3 now. I hope you enjoyed yourself yesterday (prom). Even if you don't, don't worry, because i believe you have done a great job. Well better prepare for your concert for Tjc. Well even though i want to be with you after we graduated from secondary school, but sometimes well, its quite unpredictable. I mean like you got a future, a bright one. You are smart and unlike me, I don't think i can even get to poly course. So go and fulfill your dreams. :) I will respect your decision no matter what. :)

Your dream is to go to TJC and i think this is a great opportunity. Treasure it :)

I think i will be building house in cambodia etc etc. And over there I will pray that you get into TJC and fulfill your dreams. Even though maybe next time we might not be together but at least i want to to know that good guys do exist in this world :)

Quotes for you for the day

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau

Post 3 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T22:38:00.000-08:00

Post 3
Dear xBabyBolster,

I suppose today is your prom night. You will look gorgeous and I'm such that the prom would be a success. Remember those who complain did not do anything but just contribute $$. They could always choose not to go. So don't be affected by them :)

I think i should be in Cambodia now and maybe under the hot sun. Well I will upload pictures over there so that when i come back, i can show you :)

And ya, remember to take pictures during your prom and must show me when i come back. I bring a mote book along to Cambodia, this will be like my 'online twitter' I will write down in that book ( hopefully ) because i'm unsure what will be happening :(

Quotes for you for the day

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller

Post 2 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T22:25:00.000-08:00

Post 2
Dear xBabyBolster,

Today, I will be at the airport at 12 noon, I think you would be busy preparing your prom work. I'm so proud and honored to have a girlfriend like you. Able to organize mass events and for the past few weeks , seeing you doing all the logistic and admin stuff, I feel that i didn't make the wrong choice choosing you :)

You should be quite tired and stressed up because you have numerous things to do and I understand how you feel but stay strong , its only through hardwork then one will receive sweet results and I'm very sure that your schoolmates will enjoy the prom that you hosted :) And even if the prom doesn't does go well, there is no need for you to feel sad because you have already done your best. If people criticize you , do not even be affected by that because they do not know how much stuff you have done just to make this prom.

Those who criticize you are those who do not understand the entire situation. So bear this in mind 'They complain only, also never do anything' they do not deserve your attention.

And ya, that time you say use wrist band or something to make sure nobody goes in without paying. I go an idea. Use the Tattoo or a Chop(
1.
an official stamp or seal, or a permit or clearance, esp. as formerly used in India and China.
2.
a design, corresponding to a brand or trademark, stamped on goods to indicate their identity or quality.
3.
the Signature stamp of an artist, printmaker, etc., testifying to the authenticity of a work )

Hahaha. I thought you might not understand the word chop so i went to dictionary.com to get the full defination :)

I hope this would solve your problem :)

Anyway GOOD LUCK FOR Upcoming rehearsal and performance :)

Quotes for you for the day

f you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau

Post 1 for xBabyBolster

2010-11-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

Post 1

Dear xBabyBolster,

Tomorrow i will be flying to Cambodia. For the next 16 days I shall entertain you with my 16posts. Never tried these before but shall try it now.

I know you will miss me a lot ( i hope) and I just want you to know that I brought your heart along to Cambodia. It is in my wallet and I'm going to bring it over, along with your white hair band. I will use this to motivate me to work harder even if I'm in at extreme situation ( sounds like i'm going to some secret mission) I wanted to give you the ring but you left it at my house and I'm not sure if I'm gonna see you today or not :( But well you got my IC :) and my Paper heart
Well first thing first, although for the past few days our relationship were abit horrible but at least i learned something and that is patience and understanding. Being with you for the past 2½ months was great :) and i hope it remains this way.

I know that you are very tied down with the prom things. Yeah I understand the stress you are facing. Sometimes i found myself rather useless as I'm unable to help you. Instead i became a burden. I apologize for my silly and immature actions. I just want to tell you that I will always support your decision and will be there to help you. :)

Quote for you for the day

The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke

Good luck for your prom preparation :)

I miss you and i really do :(

2010-11-27T18:20:00.000-08:00

When i say i miss you i really do mean it. Even though at times we may have argument and stuff but well you cant expect relationship to go smoothly. Just see you stressed up and breaking down. It hurts me :( There are times when i cried myself to sleep because i feel so useless. Unable to help you :( All i want is just to make sure you enjoy yourself in this relationship.

Now i receive lesser and lesser text from you and most of them are replaced with Twitter's. I really don't know what to say. Maybe there is nothing to say. Sometimes i hide things because i know if i were to tell you, it would hurt you. Maybe it's because of my Character and My mindset.

I am really Sorry for all the suffering inflicted on you. I am willing to make up for my mistake. Will you allow me to do so?

I really really need you :(

2010-11-27T00:13:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHH> FML. Thanks for further screwing my mood up blogger. Great job _l_

2010-11-27T00:12:00.000-08:00

Fuck Bloggger. seriously